So…..
It’s been a few days since I have posted and it’s been a whirlwind of a journey! I am currently on a path towards freedom and I can’t say that it’s been the easiest journey by any means. The visual representation of my journey is that I was on a pretty straight path and a few days ago, I was still in the trough. To any people who are thinking they need some freedom from the shackles of pain, I one hundred and ten percent recommend this program called freedom session. I’m not going to lie, it’s super difficult in the beginning and you have to relive your painful memories but the past three days, have been the most difficult and the most rewarding.
On Wednesday (two days ago), I finally did my freedom session homework and I forgave myself. That may not seem like such a difficult thing but I was living with a lot of burdens, a lot things that I didn’t want to live with, and that I didn’t want to share with anyone else. Jesus came down though and paid for all of our sins already, we just have to forgive and live a life that truly glorifies him. I honestly felt lighter after I sat in my room, prayed and just forgave myself.
Yesterday (Thursday), I decided it was time for me to forgive the people who had hurt me. Again, Jesus paid for all of their sins on the cross and holding the burden of resentment and bitterness with a possibility of obtaining fairness or exact revenge was ultimately just hurting myself. Forgiveness is something that I didn’t think I really needed because I didn’t trust those people who hurt me but trust isn’t forgiveness. Forgiveness is not trust. Forgiveness is accepting what has happened and coming to terms with it, but you don’t have to trust that person or be friends with that person by any means. I can’t stress enough how good it felt to forgive.
So yeah, for forgiving myself, I decided to stay at home in my bedroom and just get it all out. For forgiving others, I decided to go on a hike to the top of a mountain. I sat there, secluded from everyone else and just prayed as I looked out in the distance. It was truly calming to me because I love hiking and I love nature. I can’t stress enough how great this truly felt. Eventually people came, so I went to the bottom of the hike, and I sat on this wooden bench that overlooked the water and I could see where I was on top of the mountain. I could see how far I had come so far.
I saved the hardest ones for last though. It took me about half an hour to truly come to terms with what they did, relive the memories individually and forgive the individuals for all that they did. I felt God tell me to actually reach out to a few of these people and actually forgive them so I will be doing that in the coming days. I’m super nervous but I know that that will make me feel even better.
God is so good.
Love always,
-R
Heal With Words 