Turning a New Leaf

Okay guys, so I did a thing yesterday morning.

I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to delete Bumble. I had Tinder before and I actually met my ex-boyfriend on there but he just wasn’t my soulmate and that’s okay. Anyways, so I have Bumble to make myself feel better and increase my self-esteem. I quickly realized that I wasn’t going to find quality guys on there and I wasn’t really looking for that. It was the fact that I was able to flirt in a healthy way. So my motives kind of changed and I had it for three reasons.

1. I wanted some new people to go hiking with and be able to drive me in the snow (because I don’t have snow tires)
2. I was looking for someone to take new photos of me so that I could amp up my instagram game
3. I wanted someone to fix the clock in my car because it’s broken and just very annoying.

I thought it was a really harmful thing to have it downloaded. It wasn’t a sin and I was just procrastinating my studies and enjoying my time on there. I slowly began to realize that it was actually hurting me to go on there. I was constantly seeking the approval of others and using flirtation as a “drug of choice” in that I needed it to be happy.

I went through a point a few weeks ago where I decided that I was going to delete it but for some reason I just couldn’t bring myself to delete it. I didn’t want to just ghost the people I was talking to and delete my profile. I decided not to because I almost felt like it was an addiction that I couldn’t get rid of. I felt desired by swiping and like I had more value. My self esteem increased from all the matches that I received.

I spent a lot of my time procrastinating homework and constantly checking the app. It was really bad and I think that I didn’t have enough time to do my homework because of it. I stayed up late swiping, phase delaying my circadian rhythm and making it harder for me to wake up and making me fall asleep later and have a more difficult time falling asleep.

So a day went by, and I redownloaded it..

I decided to just check up on my messages because I didn’t delete the profile, I just received one message and it made me feel kind of bad about myself. It made me not want to be a part of that anymore. My standards are high in real life so why am I having them set so low on the app?

So I am currently on day two of this journey and I’m going strong. I decided to delete instagram so that I could study more as well. I find that I unlock my phone and don’t really know what to do. It’s kind of depressing but it makes me not really want to keep my phone with me because the only apps that I am distracted by now are Facebook and Youtube. Studying for finals has been a journey.

1. My supervisor is very accomodating and I really like her. She let me take tomorrow off because work really needs me
2. My coworkers are amazing and set up my equipment and helped me clean up
3. I have a lovely break room that I can stay in with a fridge and table with plugs and I can basically stay as long as I want.

I know all of these were work related but I’m currently here studying so it has been really great being able to work in a quiet environment with my friends.